I woke up yesterday with this urge to do bad things to chain smoke all day and drink large quantities of alcoholic beverages while laying in the sun with out sun screen, go swimming directly after eating, tear the tags off the pillows and the mattress, run with sharp objects, eat fried chicken by the bucket, Make a face to see if it stays that way, and in general just plow a few years off my life and add a few on to any sentence handed out by a judge. If there had been something I had been told was bad for me I was just a Itching to try it out. I was unsure why this side was making it's appearance in my life. I had a great night the night before was happy no one was trying to act on my will to change it? Why the sudden urge to break every "rule" I could think of. Then I remembered a conversation I had with a dear friend over a glass or bottle of wine. She had asked me when was the last time I had made any thing art wise. In all honestly it had been a good amount of time and now that I think of it all my day dreams had turned to broken glass paint brushes and the feel of slick clay as you mold it. Hummm could this be the source of all my unbridledness I was feeling. Turns out it was. Ugh I am so stupid why do I not do the things I love. You can not leave an artist cooped up too long or they go wild inside if not out worldly.
Even as I pulled out my supplies and though of what I would make, I felt the calm rolling in the fresh breeze of creativity running out of my heart to play for others to see and dance in freedom. I felt my soul sigh relief, as the day ended and my hands were sore from snapping glass and my back ached from leaning over the table I was so happy I needed that I needed that. Why do I do that why do I wait till I am going to go off the rails till I do something I love to do? I don't know I was going to buy a guitar the other day and didn't because I have literally 3 new thing I own and want to try am excited to do and have not tried yet. Why? Does anyone else do this? Ugh man I don't get it. This makes me so happy and as long as it does not take over it should not be a problem unless it becomes my job which would be so very cool I could not stand it. then I could write and create all day long and I think I might just glow like a light bulb if that was true.