20th Reunion

              So I am coming to an existential angst over my 20 year high school reunion. It is next month! can you believe it? I can't either. I remember my Mom's 20th reunion and she was so old, how did this happen to me now? Crap! I moved away from my small town immediately after graduation, well ok not immediately. I avoided it for years and dreaded going back.  For years even visiting my Mom was like slip into town and back out good thing she lived near the edge. I have in the last few years grown up a bit and have enjoyed taking short trips there to reconnect with a dear friends.

             In my shyness and lack of knowing what to say to people I tend to freeze up in large group situations unless I know the large group or majority of them well. so It could go either way I could go Borat wild (having tons of fun till the next morning when I regret the night before while I drink water and take pain killers) or wallflower silent (while I watch and think of clever things to say but stay silent or have mind meld where like a car engine with out oil my brain ceases up and there is nothing but over whelming awkwardness). Both options make me not want to go.

            Then there is the what to wear thing. OMG this is huge for me right now. such a girl problem to have. but since it is being held and Hogs and Hunnies I am at a loss. I am grateful for the free place and all the deals they are giving us, but it does take that I have no idea what to wear to a whole new level. In my mind you wear something nice kinnda dressy to a thing like this but does that translate into Hogs and Hunnies? I think not. Sigh, I get the bar thing so OK with that we (well most of us) drank to get through high school together the first time. :) It does kinnda make me feel like the first day of  Jr. High / High school again, just a little thank God I have better hair now..

                     Ok I am being a little hard on this, I am kinnda looking forward to it I never thought I would. I was glad to put it in the rear view and move on. I am not one who thinks the best years of life were in high school. I love who I am as a  person now so much better, but understand I would not be her without those days. I think I almost have to go to face this feeling down. I love my life I love almost everything about it. I hate that this makes me feel awkward like I was: ok well still am. But I have perfected my awkwardness now so it is endearing, or found people who think it is not sure which. I kindda don't want to have that bad taste in my mind about those days. I am hoping This will make it better, or possibly worse. We all have grown a bit since then, Right? Here is hoping that growing up continued. There are a friends that I have not seen in years I would love to see. Both excited and horrified at the idea of going. I am sure it will be hugs and drinks all around and a little awkward moments I die about and love later as story fodder. I hope we  have name tags seriously I am not sure if it was a mental block or I need to form a dependency on gingko but I need a year book to remember the people who friend me on facebook  sometimes. What the hell am I going to do in person?