We're up Oak Creek

                     I wanted to write about this yesterday but had to take time to gather my thoughts they were so scattered. The first thing I heard actual news wise about the Oak creek shootings in WI was the interview with policeman saying he had put the guy down that had entered shot 6 people including an officer. I had just got done talking to my husband about oh crap he shot a cop that guy is not making it out a live we will never know why this deranged man did this. Not that anyone can wrap their mind around hate, ignorance and plan crazy that goes into something like that. It urked me at the term 'put down', I know, bad reaction to a way of looking at this. It was so big I could not wrap my head around this happening hours away from me. I heard my friend through Facebook wondering if her brother was in the fire fight and worrying he was the one shot. The interviews started to come out the wailing people and horror of it all crept into my brain. Of being an officer walking into that situation and the families knowing they do. I have thought of that before since my brother in-law is an officer, but I had a weird video game image of walking into the smoke of gun fire and hearing people calling fear pumping because it could be any person there you don't know who the shooter is. Over whelmed but the images of the families waiting for their loved ones and the crying I had to turn it off. It was too much to process for a slow processor like me.

                       It was not till the next day I saw his hateful picture with the Nazi symbol  behind him with vampire teeth on his guitar strap and the new of his hate music being popular made me ill. I am not violent but I was so glad at that moment the officers had done what they had. I was appalled that I could feel the anger I did that a white supremacist was still around and had done such a horrible thing. I pride my self in not judging others and trying to understand but there was no understanding here I was mad and glad he was dead. Then I saw the glaring truth or hate is hate breads more of the same, but my heart knew the second it saw the symbol I hated this man and was ok with that even as in my head I was not. Then I started to hear the explanations from the media of the difference between Sikhs and Muslims as if killing Muslims in hateful rage was ok but to confuse them with others was not.  And knowing that difference would make you not shoot oh lets see.... um let me think.. any of them. Really we are going to debate if he possibly confused one people for another in error like it makes it ok? What does that say to our Muslim neighbors facing this kind of ignorance that we could possibly be ok if he had shot the "right" minority.

not that I am saying it's just fox

                          I have to say this kind of talk I hear  from news people where the fire of hatred are stoked with a wink and smile with a morning zoo crew grin, it bothers me. there has been a tapping into fear and stoking that hate and dissatisfaction of doing something about all this insecurity they are building in certain people done by them that should be held to account. The weak minded and prone to violent people hear these messages too about the Mexicans taking advantage of us and our systems and the Muslims trying to take over with Sharia law and make us all were burkas and do the hokey pokey or what ever the message is from the latest fear monger. They see nothing being done about a threat made up to keep people on edge so they can easily take rights or make questionable policies based on race. Without being called a bigot. so these unstable people besides in ignorance to "do something about it." and wham everyone is shocked that in a land where the discourse between the top running presidential candidates could be at best described as infantile some idiot takes it upon him self to take out "unwanted" people. Words are powerful thoughts have a strength that does not go away when is someone going to hold this stoking of unrest and fear of those not like us accountable for the actions brought by it.

                               Then we wait to see if the "christian" they choose to voice will come out on the side of they are attacking our religion and right to worship or it is God's judgment for us: abortion, gay rights, or parking closer to the store when we could walk if want to leaving the places for those who need it. This bothers me so much, I am a follower of Jesus believe it or not. (I am not going to debate if I am christian enough with you in the comments so save your breath) SO this what God is doing these days? Guess he missed the whole punishing those for genocide, war crimes, sex trade, letting people starve so we can make a profit, and raping of women as a weapon of war, but these things is what he is cracking down on now. Wow really I have to say this you do not speak for me! Stop giving these dicks a microphone and a platform to speak on they do not represent Christ or those that follow him.

                             And now we start the talk about guns and how they do not shoot people and it being disrespectful to the victims to talk about guns so close to the incident. "Only people who follow laws will follow the law so if we regulate the automatic bad ass gun it will just leave them in the hands of the criminals". Followed by the please of people just to talk about it, followed by a "do you want the government to run over you? when our founding fathers had their muskets...." sigh,  the same talk you don't even have to have the actual conversation any more it drones on,  hit repeat and repeat as more psycho men gun down good people. All bought legally within days of the event. Since our Founding Fathers did not have bombs and tanks to worry about... they are regulated. I am fairly sure talking about this will be ok and actually having a new actual conversation not trying to make shocking statement that slam prove your point and your done out of here unproductive chatter we have been seeing.

All this goes on while the victims sit an suffer.  My heart goes out to them, those who lived the shooting and their families seeming to be forgotten in all this those that follow their belief and are now living in fear of hate taking them out. You are not forgotten. To the Muslims in the US it would not have been ok if it had been you. We need to start holding those using this fear for their gain in our government accountable. We should be holding the new corporations accountable for the dumb way they cover this kind of thing and we should be reaching out in love to those around us. You can't educate hate like if a Nazi guy understands the difference between the two religions it makes any difference, No, it is his hate of others that is the issue. I think until this changes we will see more of this unbalanced hate needing a target and innocent people paying the price. We must be better than this. America, we must stop this decent in thought we have been going on we must speak up, we must learn about and embrace our neighbors so that they do not live in fear but know acceptance and we all can gain from each other rather than missing out on who we could be. Lets be the nation we once were. Holding those ideals true for all in our nation not just the few the while the like us. Lets live what that document every bigot in America is hold up as a shield and Let All Men Be Treated As Equals.

 I leave you with the words of the pastor's son and wife as interviewed by Anderson Cooper.
 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/07/anderson-cooper-wisconsin-sikh-temple_n_1751874.html?utm_hp_ref=media

Flying death monkeys

                                   Bees are like beans we all know we need them one to pollinate flowers the other to unclutter our insides. But one is a flying death and the other causes moments we all rather would not have. I do not how ever hold the same hate for beans that I hold for bees. Beans can improved in flavor by spices and other things, Bees can not. People always say we can learn so much from bees  they are hard workers well organized. But there other lessons To learn too.
     
                            Bees have a life span of about 1 year but physiologically they could live 5 to 6 years. They work them selves to death they limit their intake to only what is necessary when leaving to get pollen. I am not advocating for gluttony or laziness, just taking care of our selves. Rather than just suffering with hunger in some attempt to loose weight rather find a healthy thing have, moderation in all things but constantly depriving your self is not good. I am not talking about eating healthy and doing what is good for your body I am talking about waiting just a little longer than you have to to eat or drink something not just once in a while but regularly. some would call this disciplined others self control. this last week I have been looking at how I treat my self I have strive to be kind  loving others and compassionate this how ever I have not applied to my self.

                                  In the bible there is a quote that says love your neighbor as you love your self. The traditional view of this is that we treat our selves so well and others so poor. How ever it is clear to me no one is harder on us than us. Even to deep down meanest of us is harder on them selves. We beat our selves and starve our selves from things that are good for us things we need to live. Why would we not be kind to our selves treat our selves as we would treat our best friend or an honored guest. Why does that feel selfish to respect our selves. I have no answers in this I am struggling to find it my self. I guess it calls me back to  the tattoo I got a few years ago it says learning to live loved. that has meant many things over time. but learning to actually implementing it for my self has been spotty at best. I think it is something that we need to do for our selves so that we can treat others as we treat our selves or will be doing disservice to both.

The dream that ruined my life

So I have been debating about writing this out but I think I need to. Last week I had a dream that ruined my life. I dreamed I was free of all the things that worp me. All the things that I feel define me as me were gone yet I felt more me than I have ever felt in my life. I felt so light I was afraid to walk the the gravity would not be able to hold me down. I was doing my life more free and open not confined by the usual anxed that I feel. As I began to wake up I felt the Lord talking to me about each thing he was placing back on me and how it has changed me. The weight of each thing was huge. Some were my reactions to pain caused to me. other were my own creation I cried with each one I woke balling and so sad I had to return to this life with all the crushing things that I knoticed before and have run into all my life but never knew how much it was not me.
One of these things is the rebel heart I have loved and cheered in my life and the oposit of that compliance that has plauged me I spent so much time caving to those forces in my life. The way I felt in the dream was like I was living actually in the kingdom living axactly as God wanted me to the things I did. the middle road between giving in to presure and going the other way in regection of that presure. I think so often I have lived in reaction both caving and rebelinng rather than living just as me.

So after this dream I honestly was so sad I had to live in this yuck that defines me more than it should, I also and this sounds so mellow dramatic but I Honestly was afraid I would die. I beleive in healing so much and have had tasts of the freedom and the lightness but never togeather nor the amount. I had never thought that amount of healing was posible or that one could live if they experianced it. SO I knew I was going to die. I wrote out my dream so people would know why I died and I knew people needed to know this was posible it might kill ya but it was what Jesus talked about the pearl in the feild that you would selling everything to own. It was the Kingdom of God. I tend towards drama in expressing things but Honestly I can say I am under selling this, there just is not words to describe it well.

This dream as ruined my life I mean it ruined me for it. I no longer am willing to just excpt the things weighing me down as me. I am sold out for the pearl there is nothing worth more, not that I no longer want things I do and will. But when the chips are down my number one want is Jesus. I have known for long time I am called by him but still have no clue into what, But I will take a que from Bill and trust God's will for my life is none of my business. I am still unravling what this means but I do know there was something the Lord spaired me and did not lay back on my when he piled the soul worping things back on me and the was a dought in who I am and who He is. Not that I have any answers as to who I am other than knowing how God sees me, That enough for me right now.